• Erick Dampier thinks he can hold Yao’s jockstrap. The self proclaimed “second-best center in the NBA” spends his time backing up DeSagana Diop, who we’re pretty sure isn’t the best center in the NBA.

• Mark Cuban’s hero is Bill Simmons. Conversely, Bill Simmons seems to think Mark Cuban is some sort of god. It’s a world-wide-lovefest. If we had known booty calls were so prevalent in the blogosphere, we’d have launched this site a long time ago. Maybe Cuban and Simmons should be holding each other’s jockstraps.

• The Little General. Don’t ask us how we know this, but coach Avery Johnson’s nickname is the same nickname Joey from “Friends” uses to refer to his penis. And judging by Avery’s stature, voice and demeanor, the sitcom character’s johnson could probably take the Mavericks’ Johnson in a bar-fight. Someone needs to youtube Charles Barkley’s impression of Avery during the Rockets playoff series two years ago. You guyyysss.

• Dirk Nowitzki complained that Mark Cuban whines too much. Are pots and kettles the same color in Germany?

• When Jerry Stackhouse isn’t hands down the ugliest player on your team, you’ve got problems. Here they are, faces only a mother could love (after her son becomes a professional basketball player):

• Mark Cuban’s black t-shirts are always two sizes too small. He’s the 428th richest man in the world–he can probably afford a double-xl.

• Jason Terry punches old friends in the nads:

And Avery Johnson was taking notes:

• Mark Cuban thinks money buys love. According to the New York Post: “Cuban was spotted chatting up several young women at his table. As he asked one hanger-on to round up some girls, he was overheard saying, ‘Just say I’m a billionaire. They’ll come over.’ He also cracked, ‘For every billion dollars I have, my dick gets 10 inches longer.’ Yeah, he’s a real class act.

• This jersey:

Or this sweatshirt:

• And oh yeah, that 40-point thrashing in Game 7 kind of left a bad taste in our mouths.