ESPN made us miss the first seven minutes of tonight’s game so it could appease the dozens of fans still watching Orlando’s 95-87 win over Indiana. J.J. Redick’s parents weren’t even watching that garbage. The only people tuning in were the millions of people from the second and tenth largest TV markets in the country waiting to watch the Lakers and Rockets.

Luckily, the Rockets made up for the lack of early coverage by letting the Lakers back into the game in the fourth quarter, assuring that we fans would get five additional minutes of overtime action. How noble! The Lakers had a 28-20 advantage in the fourth quarter as the Rockets were outscored in the final period for the 9th time in their last 11 games. The Rockets bounced back by outscoring Los Angeles in overtime, which almost always leads to a victory.

“Lucas, a little two-man game with Juwan Howard” has to be the third-scariest eight-word combination in the English language if you’re a Rockets fan, behind “Yao Ming deported amid counterfeit work visa scandal” and “Dr. John Patterson closes shop after malpractice lawsuit.”

The Rockets’ two superstars combined for 36 points on only seven made field goals in the first half. By halftime, T-Mac and Yao had gone to the charity stripe 10 and 13 times, respectively. Here’s to hoping this officiating crew follows us to Utah for the playoffs.

It took us all of three quarters to realize that Luther Head wasn’t playing tonight. We guess that makes sense, considering Luther saves all of his clutch 3-pointers and bonehead turnovers for crunch-time.

The ESPN crew twice described the rationale behind Kobe’s “Black Mamba” nickname before letting viewers know that the ridiculous nickname was bestowed upon Kobe by himself. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to listen to a sports broadcaster compare a person to a 13-foot snake? “Kobe’s really striking fast tonight!” “Bryant has been deadly accurate from the perimeter!” The more pressing issue, of course, is the fact that you can’t give yourself a nickname. That’s like the first rule of nicknames. Otherwise, we’d be known as “T-Bone” instead of “KoKo the Monkey.”

Up by three with 17 seconds remaining, Van Gundy was dreaming of where he was going to put his Coach of the Year trophy after ordering Yao to foul Kwame Brown, who curiously received the inbounds pass. We don’t think the Zen Master drew it up this way, but the Lakers rebounded the second bricked free-throw and Kobe predictibly sank a three-pointer to tie the game.

Bryant finished with 53 points, but he made two crucial mistakes in overtime. With a four-point lead, Bryant fouled McGrady in the middle of a 3-point attempt. T-Mac nailed all three free throws. Jealous of all the attention Michael Ruffin was going to get on SportsCenter for his bonehead play against the Raptors, Bryant travelled as he crossed half-court, essentially sealing the win for Houston. Despite Kobe’s mistakes in crunch-time, both whistles were difficult to hear over the media’s incessant slurping.

The Lakers’ usually strong celebrity turnout was compromised when Britney Spears showed up. On the bright side, the former pop star was kind enough to wear both a wig and jeans.